I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we have officially lost it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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