no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
