We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
