You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
