I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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