He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
