Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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