y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
