So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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