I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
