she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
