Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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