WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
