Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
