i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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