I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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