I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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