I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize