you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
