omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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