i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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