if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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