Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
