Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
