I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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