I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
