She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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