I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
