Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
