actually, I'm a sock model
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
