My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize