Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
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I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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