I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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