he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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