i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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