Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
