My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
