Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
