why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
