It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
