Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
