Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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