just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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