i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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