so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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