yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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