i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
