Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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