just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
