I just saw a hot homeless man
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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