Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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