one might say we're banned from that church
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
