My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
