we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
