White coat. Heels.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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