I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
