Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
