Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
