im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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