My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
