I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
