I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize