I just made out with a guy for $7.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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