i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize