I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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