So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.