She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
