We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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